I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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