This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
