I wannas sexs uuuuu
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize