Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's always time for handjobs
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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