she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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