I wish my penis had an off switch
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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