franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
