He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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