She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize