How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
