you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
