just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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