god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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