Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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