I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
