I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize