So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
