I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
