Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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