I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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