Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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