His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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