I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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