You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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