Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
