I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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