k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What drink are we having for lunch?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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