Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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