I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
