I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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