Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
