In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
