He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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