A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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