I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
