My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
