Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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