Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
