Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
