Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
