Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
