nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize