Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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