Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Use "feeling words"
Yay
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pants are for mortals
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
