She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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