I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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