Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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