dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
