oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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