who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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