I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my being single is dangerous.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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