I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
