i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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