I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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