he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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