wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
its liver damage thursday
Randomize