Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
