***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
