Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
