You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
