She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
