I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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