how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
