Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
