i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
