I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
